My Sister is finally getting married
My Dad has a new girlfriend
My ex husband is engaged to his girlfriend
My Mum is moving interstate to be with her man
And I have a fresh slate, a new beginning.
Point of view:
I am learning continually that attitude is a choice. Or rather God is reminding me constantly of the fact that I can choose to view things positively or negatively.
It is easy to look at things at face value and with a worldly attitude, to see with a negative eye.
It takes practice and a keen eye to find the positives in a typically negative situation.
My life has been one long good excuse to be grumpy! God however has gifted me with optimism. I have always tried to see a smile and a positive in life around me.
That is until recently. I have struggled for a number of years now since the failing of my marrige, to see the positives. Depression has often tried to claim me for its own. Often it has succeeded.
I am beginning to think tho that in reality, I have a choice to believe the constant negatives of depression (and cuddle up to it for comfort), or I can praise God for His gift optimism and find the things to smile about and get on with living.
I certainly dont propose that it is easy, rather I think that it is a daily and moment by moment decision to choose either the comfort and sympathy of depression or the life and victory and joy of the attitude of Christ.
I think that maybe depression is just a nasty habit for me that I need to stand against every moment until it's hold on me has been broken.
Today is a new day.
Life is a reason to be happy!
29 Nov. 2007
My Sister is finally getting married
28 Nov. 2007
Hey this is from an email circulating...
> www.whalesrevenge.com is trying to get a million people to sign a petition
> to stop whaling.
> If you could tell as many people as you can about the website, that would be
> a great help.
> Thanks for your support and remember to sign the petition.
Pass this link on please!
27 Nov. 2007
12 Nov. 2007
Often is is much easier to write about my life, emotions, thoughts and struggles, than it is to actually speak of them out loud to others. Even when I know a select few of my friends will read my blog from time to time. I often fill pages of an exercise book with my ventings, and occasionally I voice them here. I dont know why really, but assume I am not alone in doing so on the net. Perhaps it is the comfort that someone is listening (reading) and that someone may understand. Anyway forgive my "ventings", "heat of the moment" and "woe is me" writings. I find something cheery to write again soon, I am sure.
Matthew 7:15-19 (NIV)
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.
Now more than ever before I know what this passage means. I have been struggling a lot of late; I know that it began when I met the Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing. Only this time, the wolf was dressed as my “prince charming” (of sorts).
I’ll not go into many details, but, he said all the right things (in the beginning), as if he knew all the right buttons to push, and knew how to make the most of my vulnerability and trusting nature. Whether he set out to accomplish what he did, I don’t know. Maybe he was a victim of the devil’s schemes as well?? Maybe. Even the devil can quote bible passages and pretend!!!
In the end though, I could no longer deny the sins in his life, and the sins I was committing through association with him.
I realised that he was not going to stop anytime soon, while I was seeing him. I realised that despite my ultimatum, I was as good as condoning his sin by being with him! So I called it off. I thought maybe for a short time, but as the following 2 weeks passed, many things were revealed to me by God and by those closest to me.
I reflected on our relationship and realised the amount of lies that came from his mouth! My dad then revealed that the “wolf” had made a derogatory remark to my Dad’s ex-girlfriend (who I am close to) and then proceeded to put the hard word on her!!! As to why they didn’t tell me when it happened I have NO_IDEA! It would have saved me a further two months of crap with a lying drug addicted selfish hypocrite! He is nothing like the man I knew 16years ago!
Yes I am Angry!! I have nightmares over it still and its been nearly 2 months since I spoke to him. What is painful, tho is that he lives only 2 houses away from me and I hear his distinctive sounding vehicle drive many times a day!
I want to yell at him and scream at him!!! But I am also afraid to. He is a strong man. It is as if he still has some hold over me!
I’m ranting I know but I gotta get it out of me. Its eating me!
I’ve asked God’s forgiveness, but I can’t break free of how dirty and used and hurt I feel.
How could I be so deceived?
Now I know, reading the above passage... You can tell them by their fruits!!!!!
Please Lord let me not be so blind again!!!!!
11 Nov. 2007
God often reminds me of this psalm:
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Journey within me
I lie on my bed, my pillows high, hound beside me and emotion thundering in my ears.
The ache in my throat tells the tale of unuttered sorrow and despair.
Tears run down my face, oozing from barely seeing eyes.
I am full of grief and sad words of memories and hurt.
Here I could stay the rest of my days, but duty forces me to move, regretfully.
I know I should do more, but desire defeats me.
I would sleep all the days and nights through, but for the little ones who need me.
I need them to save me from my brokenness of heart.
My heart broken countless times barely has enough substance left to hold together.
The scars harden my face to them in the world that they might not journey within me
and be trapped too in my fortress of walls and lose all desire to leave
I am deluded I know that I am safe only in here.
But I shy away from all in case they may harm me, hurt me, or make my heart bleed.
On occasion I dare to speak of some of my demise to one whom I take the leap of faith to trust.
It is more a cry for one to understand, perhaps to help.
I do not cry for attention for attention only makes me vulnerable to harm.
I have poured myself into addictions, to distract myself from me.
But disdain drives me to pry myself away again from their evil lure.
Then I am left with nothing again to fly me away from all that reminds me of my desperate loneliness and despair.
I fear I will be swallowed or drowned.
Only one can save me now.
But to Him mostly I am lost for words or too afraid to voice my shame.
I do not want to stay here...
But I have forgotten how to leave.
Labels: Poetry and Prose